Monday, January 9, 2017

Shishka Bob, Soap soup, and Allen Dulles

Good morning,

Last night at 2:30 am in the morning
I stopped at McDeath on my way home.

The drive-thru speaker wasn't working.
I had to pull up and knock on the window.

Two fillets of fish later,
I'm sitting in the parking lot,
eating my breaded fish squares,
and I look across the way,
and there's this place called Flame Kabob.
And I thunk about shishkabobs.

Not the kind you get in a fancy Greek restaurant.
Those are shsh kababs.
I'm talking about what people call city chicken.

Little cubes of pork,
breaded with shake-n-bake,
skewered on a stick.

When I was a kid
that's what we called shsishabobs.

I wouldn't pick them as a first choice
or a second choice.
For me they conjure up vivid mental images
of dry, overdone meat
with nasty breading on it,
and Grandma (God bless her, may she rest in peace)
washing the little wood sticks
to use over (& over) again.
['scuse me while I puke up my coffee.]

When your coffee tastes like pencil shavings
It might be indicative
of the fact
It sat in the pot all night
until you heated it up
at the crack of dawn.

Once upon a moment
I had a button that said
"I'm so horny, the crack of Dawn isn't safe."
I gave it to a girl named Dawn.
Imagine that.
Who'd've thunk?

So anyways...

I'm sitting there
in Chantilly Virginia
over near Dulles Airport
looking at a sign that said Flame Kabob,
and I thought
"Who the fuck is Shishka Bob?
Maybe he was Allen Dulles

Allen Dulles,
the man JFK fired,
who was later appointed to lead the Warren Commission.
No conflict of interest there, buddies...
Just like so many things about government
It's soap soup.

They sell it to you as a nutritious bowl of slop,
but it's really made out of soap,
and it tastes accordingly.

Not quite as disgusting as "Woofies."
Never heard of woofies?
They're chocolate-covered dog turds.
Looks like chocolate on the outside,
but bite into one and you find out it ain't
what you thought it was.
Just like everything the government says or does.
So how much stolen tax money does Uncle Sam
spend per anum
on turd polish?

They scrub that motherfucker,
buff it to a high gloss,
package it up real pretty,
false advertize the fuckin hell out of it,
and sell it to you at a premium.

And motherfuckers just gobble it up.

...Like it was Mayor McCheese.
What a fuckin life.